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By Keiko Zoll, a contributor to the Seleni Institute, a nonprofit mental health and wellness center for women and mothers in New York City.

Anyone who has gone through infertility knows the conversation too well. It begins at a family holiday gathering, a girls’ night out or even in the checkout line, with some variation of, “So, when are you going to have kids?” Stifling your frustration and embarrassment, you choke out a response about how getting pregnant has taken longer than you’d hoped. And then they hit you with it: “Just relax! It will happen.”

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